Watching Time Pass By

timeI went to the physio again today. My hip is still badly swollen, or ‘thick’ as she described it. I’ve been managing to walk short distances unaided (like from my car into school, or from my car to my front door), but beyond that I still need my stick. It’s a lovely evening and what I would love to do is wander down to the woods behind our house, but I can’t. The physio did some adjustments on my spine and told me to come back in a couple of weeks. If this doesn’t work, I’m getting referred to Orthopaedics at the hospital.

I also went to the doctor today because the dizzy spells I was having before Christmas had still not gone away. The doctor couldn’t quite believe that I’d waited so long to return, but I kept explaining that I don’t usually go to the doctors at all. Years pass between visits. Or at least they use to. So now I have a whole cabinet of pills; painkillers, anti-inflammatories, antibiotics (I have a tooth abscess as well) and anti-Vertigo tablets. I also have high blood pressure, so next week I get to go back and have an ECG and bloodtests. It’s no wonder I avoid going to the doctors!

I see runners out all the time, preparing for races and I’m so envious. As it is, I can’t see me doing the 10k I’m booked in for in August at this rate. I haven’t run since January. I couldn’t even walk 10k at the moment. In fact I’d be happy to walk 10k right now!

I’m finding myself avoiding Facebook posts about running and not reading about other people’s progress. Where I used to enjoy sharing the joy of my friends’ pursuits, now I just feel isolated by my incapacity.

Life goes on. Runners carry on running. I just sit and try very, very hard not to get depressed!

I am not, however, depressed. I am frustrated, sure, but I have enough things to distract me from feeling sorry for myself! I am also determined to beat this and get running again, as soon as I can. And I will.

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Hello Square One, Not So Nice to See You

Oh well, here we are again. Me and Square One appear to be becoming good friends, sadly.

Exactly ten days after my steroid injection and having being very careful (not standing too much or walking too far) and gradually feeling better and better, I reached Thursday and again my world shrank. Maybe I walked a little too far or  stood a little too long, but I appear now, on Saturday, to be in as much pain as I was in the weeks leading up to my injection. I could just cry.

I’m currently sitting, after a painful day at the gallery, icing my hip and drinking wine. It’s called self-medication. I’m tired and grumpy.

I’m due back at the physiotherapists at the hospital on Thursday morning, so I’ll try to struggle through to then. I’m trying not to take pain killers because I’m frightened that if I mask the pain I’ll end up doing more damage. I’m sick of moaning and I’m fed up of being in pain every time I stand up, every time I put one foot in front of the other. I’m totally fed up of seeing runners in town and enviously wishing that I was in their shoes.