My running blog has rarely been just about running. If you can be bothered to look back, like many other running blogs, it’s often been about coping with injury and how that has affected the running that I’ve done. In many ways it became a ‘victory over adversity’ type blog, living up to its title ‘A Running Battle’. Of course adversity is presently having the upper hand and a year long battle with pain has meant that this blog is now chiefly about the ups and downs of pain management! It isn’t the blog I want or ever intended to have and I’m not sure what I can do to change that.
Many of my former followers have drifted away, probably bored by the lack of running stories. If I’m honest, I’ve stopped reading many running blogs because I’m not in the right frame of mind to read them without huge pangs of envy. How I haven’t run a jogger over yet is just a feat of mind over matter and hearing how my new-to-running friends are doing is pure perjury. Of course I admire them and encourage them, but deep down I am as jealous as hell. Walking past a wall full of medals collected over the last five years doesn’t help; it’s the Wall of Used To.
Yesterday I travelled to Carlisle to talk about my disability. It’s the first time I’ve been to Carlisle in ages, certainly the first time with the mobility scooter. Planning a journey to anywhere presents a whole lot of new issues which before I wouldn’t have considered. My husband summed it up perfectly at the meeting when he said “I look at disabled people in a whole different way now.” I was asked, as part of the interview, if I would be able to go to Manchester. Yes, of course, but I would have to Google it to death, I replied. We’ve recently changed the car to an automatic which would help with driving through town. Once there, I would have to think about where could I park so that I could access areas without the need to climb stairs. Once parked, I would need to have room to get in and out of the car (opened the door to its full extent and turning round in the seat to stand up using the roof to pull myself up), and then get the mobility scooter out and together. Then I’d have to navigate a route using decent drop kerbs (because some are like steps, rather than slopes!) and pedestrian crossings (because you can’t just step off the kerb and cross) and doors that open automatically. It takes planning. Nothing in my life is spontaneous any more. Every journey, every weekend away, every night out has to be pre-planned to the nth degree. It’s tiring. And sometimes degrading.
Today I climbed on the scales and got the shock of my life. I’ve put on a grand total of two stones in weight since this time last year. Running was always my way of keeping my weight down and staying sane. I might not have always felt like going out, but I usually felt better coming in! I need to lose weight. So I’ve linked up with MyFitnessPal again. It used to be a way of logging activity rather than weight. I’m hoping that it will be again. For the moment though I need a way of controlling my calorie intake and a way of monitoring my progress. I’ve opened up on their forum and asked for support. If you read this and are a member, look for paintergirl21 and ask for friendship. I need every friend I can get.